something terrible has happened but im not quite sure what.

maybe i just need rest.....

maybe im not trying hard enough....

what if i've lost it?....

 

things seem to be changing so much....especially inside of me....

what IN THE WORLD is going on?

 

what is it that i keep thinking about?

what is this that im feeling.........or not feeling?

 

i definatly miss swallow...but why?....or do i really miss it?

i think that i do.....

 

sometimes i feel like just walking away or just giving up.  but on what? and do i really feel that way?

HEAVY SIGH!

geeez....

 

i think that i miss my family...

and i think that im a terrible person.

how can i be so selfish?!?!!?!

now i cant sleep becuase im thinking so much

a very full part of me now feels empty.......why?.......why does it feel that way?

i feel so pathetic again.

 

i dont want to go to bed. i dont want to stay awake.

 

maybe i should read a book so that i can relate to that lost youth in the book cause im sure that will give me some answers or at least make me feel better or something (sarcasm)

 

sigh~

 

well....good news....i found that i design better while listening to metal.

 

I could not look back,
you'd gone away from me
I felt my heart ache
I was afraid of following you

When I had looked at
the shadows on the wall
I started running into the night
to find the truth in me

arashi fuku kono machi ga omae wo daku
fukinukeru kaze ni sae me wo tojiru

omae wa hashiridasu nanika ni owareru you
ore ga mienai no ka sugu soba ni iru no ni

hitonami ni kiete yuku kioku no toiki
ai no nai hitori butai mou taekirenai
All of you in my memory is
still shining in my heart
sure chigau kokoro wa afureru namida nure

kurenai ni somatta kono ore wo
nagusameru yatsu wa mou inai

mou nido to todokanai kono omoi
tozasareta ai ni mukai
sakebi tsuzukeru

omae wa hashiridasu nanika ni owareru you
ore ga mienai no ka sugu soba ni iru no ni

kurenai ni somatta kono ore wo
nagusameru yatsu wa mou inai

mou nido to todokanai kono omoi
tozasareta ai ni mukai
sakebi tsuzukeru

kurenai ni somatta kono ore wo
nagusameru yatsu wa mou inai

Crying in deep red